


What can I do for her?

by Casual_Seeker



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, Fights, Is not that bad or angsty, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, but Lapis' thoughts can be heavy, is more happy at the end I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-20 16:58:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13150998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casual_Seeker/pseuds/Casual_Seeker
Summary: What can you do in some situation where things are fucked up? When you should cross the line?





	What can I do for her?

**Author's Note:**

> Well hello there friends. This is the first work that I finish (incredible) and also is a fanfic and yeah is about Lapidot . English isn't my first language so if you find any error please let me know! I hope you enjoy this.

Sometimes you feel so small, worthless. You want to help but you can’t, maybe because you don’t know what to do. Feeling anxious, feeling that you can make things worse.

Peridot was there, in that kind of situation. Logic isn’t the best weapon to confront that huge and powerful creature called “emotions”. Humans had constantly fighting it, feeding it, making it their company for life but getting hurt when it became against them. Emotions can be big and dangerous to the fragile human being. 

“When I’m in this state, the void whisper to me, telling me words that later I don’t want to remember” or that is what Lapis would have said in her depressive episodes, “so don’t worry, Peri. Nothing I can’t handle.” But it was worse now. Trying to call her was useless, don’t matter how hard Peridot tried, there was not verbal response, only movements telling her to go away.

“I’m not going to give up, I'm not going to give up on you…” Said Peridot before leaving Lapis’ bedroom. That place felt like the bottom of the ocean, dark and cramped.

This whole situation started some weeks ago, Lapis was happy and relaxed, saying bad jokes, watching silly tv shows with her roommate and even thinking about having a pet because “the house felt too big for only 2 persons… 1½ person would be more accurate.” She would laugh at her own jokes until her friend would hit her shoulder or her back with a playful fist, “ha ha, how funny Laz. You are the humor incarnated” would respond Peridot, trying to fake an angry mood.

“What I could say? I’m amusing”

“You are a clod” 

“And you are a dork”

But all end when the fights started. Angry calls, discussions, Lapis crying inside her room, her girlfriend kicking the door. Sometimes would be Lapis slapping her muscular partner with such strength that would make the other step back. All was a mess and Peridot was there, seeing all, hearing all. She couldn’t believe what was happening, that muscular girl called Jasper was always happy when she was with her roommate, how things could end like this? Going together to exercise holding hands, posting photos of them online when they go to eat to some restaurant, hell even doing fake lewd sounds when she was in the house just to upset her! But now all of that shattered in tiny pieces, lost in the past.

“Do you have any fucking idea about how I feel about this?! No, you don’t. You are so absorbed in your own shit!” The screams of the big girl would make the walls shake.

“Jasper what the hell I told you about come here and scream like a fucking idiot? We ended this madness! You used me for your twisted plans, and for what? That person die time ago!”

“Ooh and you didn’t used me?! You abused me verbally AND physically! You knew all this time that we have a deal. You would help me to find that person and in exchange, I would help you with your anger problems!”

“At east I didn’t want to torture a kid for information!” Lapis would yell back, just thinking in how Jasper tried to hurt Steven made her angry.

“Yeah but you tortured me! Hell, how many scars you leaved in my body?! But you know one thing? I’m stronger than you, I’m bigger and smarter. I’m the only who can handle your violent tantrums. You are a monster, Lapis. A wild monster that could destroy everything. You are going to be alone the rest of your life, hurting people, making them run away from you” 

“Shut up…” 

“And in the end, I’m going to be the only one for you. You still being useful to me, I need you like you need me!” With a smile on her face, Jasper would use this trick every time with Lapis, it was part of her devious tactics.

“SHUT UP!” And with that Lapis hit the jaw of the big woman with her fist.

“Ugh… See?! You are a crazy bitch! You will see, remember my words” finally Jasper left the place slamming the door. Immediately after this Lapis let out a loud scream and run to her room. Peridot meanwhile was under her blankets with her headphones and music on. It was the only way to not listen the fight… or at least to try to not listen.

And this is how things messed up so much. Lapis being in her room, barely going out. It was so sad when the blonde cook Lapis’ favorite food and in the next days it would be still there, untouched. Peridot eat breakfast and dinner alone, watching her silly shows without someone to comment the chapters, no one would tell her to go to sleep and stop playing video games at 3 am. It was like leaving alone again.

 

After one-week of her last approach, Peridot tried again. She was worried about her roommate health and trying to “let the time heal everything” take too much valuable time. The first step of her plan was simple, slide a note under the door and leave her alien plush with a sport drink, a big bottle with juice and some healthy snacks and cereal bars outside. Then she should wait until the next day and see what happen, if Lapis didn’t want to go outside and eat, then the food would come to Lapis.

When Peridot wake up in the morning to check if step 1 was a success or a complete failure, her eyes bright up and a big smile appeared in her face. The plan was a total success! It was a small achievement, but it was too fast to think about victory. So, she began to prepare the next step, this one would need some time, one day to be exact. “Just wait, Lapis. I’m going to help you”

With the arrival of Friday, it was time for step 2: trying to talk with Lapis. It was too soon but the idea was not force Lapis to do something, being respectful about the boundaries between her and the bluenette. So, in the evening after coming back from her work, Peridot stand outside Lapis' room and knock softly to not cause problems, but there wasn’t any response.

“Lapis, please I want to talk with you” And again no response, but this wasn’t enough to make Peridot admit defeat. “Look, you don’t need to come outside, you don’t even need to open the door but please… Let me talk to you! I’m worried… At least tell me to go away…” the blonde sat with her back against the door, trying to hear a sound but nothing, it was quiet. “Even if you don’t want to talk to me, you need to know that you don’t have to suffer alone. This place can´t be called home without you, remember we live together… So, if you need someone to just hear you, no talks, you can come and see me. I’m leaving my room door open for you…” And with that Peridot stand up and leave feeling a bit defeated, but what she didn’t know was that Lapis hear it all, sitting in the other side of the door, hugging with all her force the green alien plush and crying in silence. Those words made her think that she was still important to someone. 

Saturday in the night and still no sight of Lapis. Peridot was nervous now, what if Lapis hate her? She made things worse? It was too soon? Did she say too much? The anxiety was rising with every question, so she hits the wall and groaned. “Shut up, mind” and with that she buried herself under the blankets, sleeping should help to shut up the bad thoughts.

A voice wakes up Peridot, maybe it was her imagination but when something shifted the weight of the bed then she got scared, “Oh stars… Who are you and what do you want?!” she said under the blankets, if she would die this day, then at least she would know the name of the culprit to later hunt them as a ghost. 

“it’s me” said Lapis quietly, “I’m sorry I didn’t want to wake you… I hit my foot with something”

“Wait… Lapis?” Oh, OH! She was here! “Sorry, let me just…” Peridot turned on the reading lamp above her. When she adjusted a bit her sight she just saw a blurry blue messed hair, so she tried to put her glasses to get a better look but a hand on her's stopped her.

“You… don’t want you to see me like this, please” 

Peridot didn’t care if the other girl looks like a zombie, but she should respect her petition, right? “It’s ok. What can I do for you?”

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Lapis asked, it was more like she was begging. How Peridot could say no? But at the same time, she was so excited because part of her plan wasn’t a failure “Yeah! Sorry, I mean yeah, you can there is no problem” - this isn’t the time to act like a clod! - “Do you want to get under the sheets? It’s a bit cold” 

Lapis, smiling at the tiny gesture nod at her friend. It’s weird how this one could make her feel safe and warm sometimes.

Peridot moved to the edge of the bed to leave enough space to Lapis, the bed wasn’t made for two people, but Lapis found a quickly solution, spoon Peridot from behind. The blonde jolt at the sudden touch, how could Lapis be so cold?

After some time that was like hours to Peridot, Lapis spoked. “I want to thank you”

“You are welcome, I know the bed isn’t big enough but being honest this isn’t uncomfortable”

Lapis chuckled, “not that, I mean not only that. I want to thank you for everything. I need time to think about what happened, about what I had done…”

After a pause, Lapis continue, “I’m a monster and I was scared that I could hurt you too. Even the void whispered to me that I should stop living, so I tried to cut my neck the first time but hell, I couldn’t do it…” Lapis held Peridot tighter “I’m such a coward to do it anyway…”

Peridot was shocked, but she decided to stay quiet and biting the inside of her cheeks, “So, that’s why I stopped eating, it was like I didn’t deserve to eat and keep living, so why not hurting myself with a slow death? The fault and those thoughts made me sick but when you left those stuff outside my room, I felt worse for made you worried about me… but at the same time made me happy and silenced those bad thoughts…”

Peridot let some seconds to pass just in case Lapis would say something more, but when she didn’t, the blonde decided to speak. “I’m tougher than you think. Also, you aren’t a monster, Laz. Yeah, you have a lot of issues, you don’t know how to deal with your negative emotions and you hurt others sometimes. And hell, you even stopped going to your therapies and taking your meds -still I know those meds are shit and made you a bit worse- but you didn’t search for a new therapist… and ok… I’m making things worse for sure with my rant, but the thing is… all of that don’t make you be a monster, it makes you be human… a one with a lot of issues but still human.” Then she rolled to face Lapis, putting a hand on the other girl ‘cheek, “You can mess up, but the important thing is to learn about your errors and never forget about that you have good points on you! And if you do, then I’m going to be there, to make you remember it”

Lapis was holding her tears at this point, she didn’t expect that, those words were too much for her, but Peridot said it with such determination, she was serious and Lapis could see in those eyes that it wasn’t a lie. 

Peridot get closer and kissed Lapis’ forehead, “I’m glad that you didn’t do what the void said, but you don’t have to handle that alone. The next time tell me, ok? Remember, I’m your friend and I’m here for you, I love you and I’m happy that you still alive” 

And with that Lapis start to cry, it was too much. This time the tears were for something different than feeling worthless and angry, it was relief. When she manages to speak again, she stared at Peridot at the eyes and hold her hands. 

“I would do it all for you… Would you do it all, do it all for me?”

“Well, that would be a very heavy agreement, for both of us, also I wouldn’t do it ALL for you like… cutting my leg or jumping off from a cliff… But I would do as much as possible for you.”

Lapis chuckled again hugging her small friend, “woah, you really know how to make a girl not feeling like shit, you are such a dork”

Peridot snuggled closer, hiding her face in the other girl chest “and you are a clod”

**Author's Note:**

> •Song references to “Never Gonna Give You Up – Rick Astley” and “Would You Love A Monsterman -Lordi” If someone found them then congratulations! 
> 
> This is going to be part of some "short stories" for practice, but if this one is good enough then I could write a second part but trying to focus more in Jasper. Actually I have some ideas but welp, I don't have enough exp. points in writting so here I'm ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
